I believe that adoption is the most amazing of miracles. I know that Heavenly Father has a specific plan for each one of us. There is always a reason why things happen exactly how they do. In my case, I know that I couldn't get pregnant for so long because I was supposed to adopt Max and he was meant to be my son. I realize now that he needed to come through someone else for certain reasons too.
Three years after my husband and I were married, we had our first baby girl Madison. I got pregnant easily with her and although I gained fifty pounds, had toxemia and the labor was 18 hours of pure torturous hell, I still felt so lucky and happy to be a mommy. When we started trying for a second baby it wasn't as easy...after three years of tests, meds and doctors I said,"why the hell am I doing this?" and I knew that adoption was the answer. I was so excited for this process, it just felt right. We didn't know what to expect...most adoption agencies said the average wait time was between 3-36 months. The unknown was the hardest thing to deal with for me...I like to be prepared and I couldn't prepare for this. Once we got our paperwork into the agency, they called us 3 days later and said our baby will be here in 2 weeks! I couldn't believe it...they told us it would be one of three babies, so we weren't sure if it was a boy or a girl. This process was sooo fast and two days after we got that call from the agency, I had an intense spiritual experience and I knew that this baby was meant to be mine and I knew he was coming very soon. The following day we got a call and they told us that our baby was born (10 days early) and we needed to drive to Salt Lake City right away! We grabbed some clothes, took Madison to grandmas house and went on our way.
When we arrived to the hospital I wasn't really sure what to expect. We had never talked to Max's birth mom before and I was very nervous for this meeting...I just didn't know what to say. What do you say to someone in this situation? She had made a completely selfless choice on choosing adoption over abortion or keeping the baby. She was in a position where she couldn't take care of another baby, but her choice to place Max up for adoption was very difficult for her. I felt pure joy in my heart for this special moment of meeting our sweet boy for the first time, but I also felt incredible sadness for Max's birth mom. We met and she was very sweet. She was the first person to hold Max and feed him his first bottle. I tried my best to tell her how grateful we were for her choice and how much we will love and adore this precious gift that she had given us. We still communicate, but on a rare occasion...I look forward to the day that we will see her again.
When Max was nine months old, I found out I was pregnant...I was in utter shock. The doctors had told me the chances were very slim to ever get pregnant again...but I was! Millie Kate was born and we called her our miracle baby, but then when she was nine months old I got pregnant AGAIN! Lucy was born in September of 2010...at that point, I had 3 kids 3 years old and under. It was a huge adjustment and we only had one goal and that was survival . We did survive and feel so blessed to have these precious little spirits to raise and take care of.
I have always had a sweet feeling about adoption and I have seen the miracle of adoption happen in several peoples lives and I am absolutely in love with the process. If you are contemplating adopting or placing your baby for adoption I suggest that you do it. It won't be easy...there will be a lot of ups and downs during the process, but the end result will be worth every heart ache. I am very open to Max about his adoption. He understands and has a healthy attitude about it. When he was two years old, he said "I'm chocolate cause I love to drink chocolate milk so much". He's never has had a negative experience about being black when we are white. It really is a non issue. When he was first learning to understand that our skin was different, I would tell him that we are all different...just like ice cream flavors. We call Max-chocolate, Madison-strawberry, Millie-chocolate chip (cause she was born with jet black hair), and Lucy-prailines and cream. Yeah, I like Ice Cream so I can relate anything to it!!
I love Max the same way that I love the girls I gave birth to...there is no difference in how I raise them or treat them. I love this boy with all of my heart and soul. He is funny, sweet, loving, patient and can brighten anyones day with his big smile. I feel so lucky to be his mommy, to have him beg to sleep with me every night, to have him run and jump in my arms when I pick him up from school, and to have him make me laugh hysterically every single day. I am so incredibly blessed.